How Can We Learn To Practice More Patience With Our Children?

 
As far back as the record books go, children have tested the patience of their parents. Even the Bible speaks about how folly is bound in a child's heart. It's just in them to be impatient, easily excited, sometimes raucous, and sometimes mischievous. Truth is, that's what makes them children and not adults.

Before you can exercise patience, you have to always acknowledge that you have many more years of life experience than the child. You know more, and because you know more, you can do more. Plus, of course, more is expected of you, as an adult, but especially as a parent. Patience is a very important virtue to have. Patience helps to keep us calm in times of frustration or anxiety. Patience helps us to stay the course when things seem like they are slowly unwinding. Patience is what we need when it's time to give hugs and kisses even though deep down, we are disappointed. Patience is definitely a good thing.  But, how can we, the adults, exercise more patience with our wonderful little ones?  

Try these few tips:  

1. Meditate. Meditation is simple the act of thinking, in a very solitary way on something.It could be spiritual or could be just an introspective moment.
 

2. Keep things in perspective. Don't overreact or go overboard on the punishment when your child does something contrary to the rules. Instead, keep it in perspective. OK...so, she took didn't put the pots in the proper cabinet after she unloaded the dishwasher. Don't fuss her out. It's only pots. No one got hurt and you may be the only that actually uses them. So, don't sweat it. Just move them and, the next time she has dishes duty, help her to learn where the proper places are for everything. When you put things in their proper perspective, you will feel better and your family will experience less tension or anxious correction.
 

3. Walk away. When things are not going well, you may need to get out of that environment for a moment. Don't feel like you have to face everything head on. By using your patience, you will have enough composure to calmly deal with whatever it is without so much drama. If it's a fight or flight situation, flight may be the best course of action.

 
4. Breathe. Taking slow, deep breaths releases a lot of stress, tension, and has a natural cleansing and calming effect on you. When you experience a calm within, that will translate to a calmness on the outside.

 
5. Don't feel like you have to fix or correct everything. Children will make mistakes. Husbands will make mistakes. Wives and mothers will make mistakes. But, correcting people too much, whether old or young, can cause someone to have a lower self-esteem. If people are made to feel like they are never right, then you will see them doing things that reflect on their poor self-confidence. We never want to cause this type of psychological injury to our families, or really anyone.

 
6. Let things go. Truth is, you won't always be in charge. You may want to be supermom, but if that means that you are always "responsible" for making everything work for your family, then, you may need to let go of the reins a bit.

 
7. Don't make yourself sick over it. Putting too much pressure on yourself, and not exercising patience, can cause hypertension, headaches, and worse, massive amounts of stress. Your family needs to you to be well, in your right mind, and functional. They don't need you and everything around them to always be perfect. So, relax.

 
8. Pray. If you are spiritual, pray for more patience and also pray when you are having problems exercising patience. This could make you feel fantastic.

 
No matter what arises, take comfort in knowing that you have and will, no doubt, continue to address things the best way that you know how. Practice using these techniques and tips to better handle aggravating or any type of stressful situations with your children. At the end of the day, your heart will guide you to do the right thing for them and your family. Be confident that you have shown them a great amount of love, consideration, and patience.  

The old adage, "Do as I say, Not as I do," has not worked in the past and certainly does not work today, when children are exposed to a plethora of ideas, styles and limitless options they can sample.

The term role model was introduced by Robert K. Merton, a distinguished American sociologist best known for having coined the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy."  Merton posits that individuals compare themselves with "reference groups" full of people who occupy the social role to which the individual aspires. The term has passed into general use to mean any person who sets an example. Eda LeShan, a family counselor and author about parenting, posits: "The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one." These two observers are correct.  What children become has to do with the example set by those who raise them. "Monkey see, monkey do."

Konrad Z. Lorenz demonstrated how incubator-hatched geese would imprint on the first suitable moving stimulus they saw within what he called a "critical period" of about 36 hours shortly after hatching. Filial imprinting is not restricted to animals that are able to follow their parents.  In child development the term is used to refer to the process by which a baby learns who his/her mother and father are. The process is recognized as beginning in the womb, when the unborn baby starts to recognize its parents' voices (Kissilevsky et al, 2003). This imprinting is further imbued as the child observes and experiences the parent's behavior, habits, tone of voice, body language, etc.

Parents are the first role model (reference group) a child has. If you doubt the importance of teaching by example, think about your own childhood. How were you influenced to become the person you are-for better or for worse? Does what you learned in school have the most influence on your personality?  Were your peers and other adults the most influential?  Were you influenced more by movies or television than your parents? How are you like your dad? How are you like your mother? We often hear the comment, "He married a woman just like his mother."  "She married a man just like her father." There is a reaons people make this poignant observation.

Parents Role Model:

-    Social skills. Social skills and attitudes are taught by example. A child learns good manners more easily when "please" and "thank you" are part of daily life.

-    Respect for others. When  parents show respect to each other, their children and others. Children learn how to value themselves, other people and institutions.

-    Do it yourself. Consistency between teaching and example is very important. If you want to teach your child one thing but behave in a different or opposite way yourself, your child will become confused and frustrated as to what to do and whom to believe. In order to teach a behavior you need to model it.  Famous child psychiatrist, Fritz Redl posits the three most important things you will ever need to know about raising children are: "Example, example, example."

-    Home environment. Children not only unconsciously imitate the behavior of their parents, but they also absorb the general atmosphere of the home. A child who lives in a home filled with love, affection, and cooperation can more easily show love, affection and cooperation to others.

-    Positive Approach. Focus attention on what your child does right. Reward good behavior and ignore or give consequences for unacceptable behavior.  Threats and spanking only teaches your child that violence is acceptable.
Chicago News columnist Sydney J. Harris wrote, "When parents talk about discipline, they mean a rigid set of rules to prevent their children from misbehaving. But the only discipline worthy of the name lies in providing a solid framework of ideals-not for the child to live up to, but for the parents to live within. You can beat children until they are black and you are blue, but it cannot make them any better than the examples they see around them every day."

-    Teach instead of lecturing: .Practice what your preach.. Modeling is more effective when we talk about what we are doing and why. Explaining the importance of doing what is right or that you share the responsibility for making our community a better place to live and that is why you go to meetings, helps your children understand your reasoning and relate your activities to their own behavior.

This is not to say that parents need to be perfect. We all lose our tempers sometimes, say things we are sorry for, are not as kind as we would like to be, or do things we wished we had not.  It is reassuring to know that it is the general trend in our behavior that influences our children, not the isolated instances of less than stellar behavior. We are human; so are our children. Being perfects is not a requirement. What is important is to admit your mistakes, say you are sorry and cease the unacceptable behavior, and demonstrate how to make amends for your shortcomings.

The article "Good Parenting Means Good Role Modeling" was Submitted by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD through http://Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information:  Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life." Dr. Dorothy has the unique gift of connecting people with a broad range of profound principles that resonate in the deepest part of their being.  She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one's daily thoughts and feelings. http://www.drdorothy.net