For some, making the decision to have another child can be very difficult.
There are many factors to consider, including a couple's ability to conceive or
adopt, child care, and all of the costs associated with having a growing
family. Of course, if you are expecting a baby from an unplanned pregnancy, you
may not have a lot of time to weigh everything out. However, there is one very
important consideration that should never be overlooked, that is how your
children will receive a new addition to the family.
As a
parent, you never know exactly how the kids will respond or how they will be
affected. Their behavior could range from aggressive with outbursts and anger
to regressive, marked by a return to baby habits such as thumb-sucking or
unintentional wetting. Here are some ways to ease the tension and stress of a
new baby a bit for your older children:
1. Let
the children share in your pregnancy experience. This will help them to start
to envision the baby for themselves. Make telling them a family event, and
encourage them to celebrate this new time with you. Leaving them out of all of
the new baby or pregnancy conversations will make them feel disconnected from
what is going on.
2. Take
advantage of all of the family preparatory classes that are sponsored by your
hospital. Getting another person's perspective can help your child to
anticipate change. They should not be made to believe that
"everything" will be the same as it is before the baby. That is not
the truth. There will be changes, but they can be very positive for everyone.
Offer young children babies of their own, and help them to hold and care for
them.
3. Search
out and read children's books on the subject These books generally are written
in easy to understand language, can add a bit of humor to the whole situation,
and may help your child to feel that they are not alone, or "the only
one" that has ever experienced this.
4. Help
them to remember that they, too, were a baby before. With their birth, came
many changes for your family also. That helps them to know that this is not a
completely new phenomenon and that, if the family adjusted before, it can do so
again. Do your best not to make too many changes too fast, such as expecting to
act like or do "big boy" or "big girl" things all of the
time.
5. Listen
to your child and don't cut them off. They have feelings and will need to be
constantly reassured that your love for them remains. Tell them that they are
not just "the other child", they are "your child" and that
your life is special because of them also, not just because of the new baby.
When the baby arrives, let them be a part of the caregiving. Give them treats,
special rewards and acknowledgements because of their assistance. Keep your
relationship physical, with lots of hugs, kisses, and hand holding. Even if
they act like they don't "need" so much attention, remember that they
are still children. They don't always know what they need, but as parents, we
have to sometimes be more proactive, as opposed to reactive.
There are many ways that you can help your older children to deal with a new addition to your family. Be mindful to offer positive reinforcement, and always let them know that they are important in your life.
